3 Great Men who have played a cardinal role in my dear life... who have been a great source of inspiration in one way or the other and amazingly they belong to succeeding generations.
GVR, fondly known to me as Raasu … A patient, composed and silent man I have ever known… I still cherish those wonderful moments…and every thought of him leaves me with a tear…
The one who accompanied me (holding my tiny hands) from “#101, Bazaar road” to “#11, Papanasam sivan salai” every other morning & evening for almost a year… The one whose favorite song “Enda kavi paadinaalum, undan manam iranga villai”, became the lullaby I grew up with… The one sweet person, whom I always associate with “vellam - paal chaadam” … The one who pampered me with a candy every evening I finished up with my homework… The one who flew kites with me and played indoor cricket with me…The one who told me my bed time stories…The one who never uttered a single harsh word… The one man who reacted the same when life took its sinusoidal waves… The one who taught me to face life with a smile no matter what…
(I have always felt a tinge of pride being his best beloved pet grand-daughter… And silently enjoyed the sparks of jealousy the other cousins felt against me)
VKM, fondly known to me as Kichoo…The exact opposite of his predecessor (never seen him patient or composed) … A strong man with great values…and greater convictions…
The one on whom I peeee’d, the first time he held me… The one who’s lap & arms never got tired holding me… The one who’s tight slaps and terse scolding helped me achieve what I am today… The one man who taught me that “Money is just a means to a living and not LIFE itself”… The one who gave me all the liberty and still made me realize my responsibities…The one whom I torture with my stupid arguments… The one who still feels proud of me, no matter what I am (just b‘cos I was his first 10 month long awaited bonanza)…
(I am here because of him… definitely he is the world’s greatest dad… at least in my eyes)
KKV, fondly known to me as Fathoo…A perfect blend of his predecessors…A handsome young man who rocks with his attitude towards life… Variety is the spice of his life.
The one who stole mom’s attention away from me… The one who I saw as a tiny lil “Japan bommai “… The one who felt his lil heart pain when I was away from home for a year… The one who patiently played chess and still plays carom with me…The one who taught me ride my bi-cycle… The one who never bullied me, though he was the pampered one… The one I beat up for just a piece of poori in the Kashmir valley… The one whom I share most of my things with… The one whose shoulders are always there for me to rest on…The one I thought was a kid, till the last time I heard him speak so maturely…The one man I secretly envy…
(He is my one and only little boy friend who has been there for me ever since his birth...who has always made me find an elder brother in him, though I occupied the womb before he could)
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Three Generation Men
Thursday, October 28, 2004
I wanna fall sick
- First of all, I don’t have to wake up early and hurry up with the daily chores and rush to work…I would be let to sleep, sleep and sleep…
- Around 9.00 am, mom and dad would come to my bedside and warmly wake me up to check if I was feeling better and spend their precious 15 minutes cajoling me to have some kanji (porridge) before the first round of medicines.
- That lazy stroll around the house!! Just to get back to my cozy bed, underneath the warm blanket & hugging those soft pillows...
- Appa’s get well soon kiss on my forehead, before he left to the office… and his call every other hour to check if I was fine…
- Amma’s day off from the office just to sit beside me all day….
- Dear paati would get me my ilaneer (tender coconut) or saathukkudi (sweet lime) juice or that barley thanni … (Always wondered how my darling 80 yr old was so energetic and full of life)
- Calls from all my dear friends, one after the other just to make me feel on top the world... (oops I hate to miss these calls )
- That small nap before its time for amma to feed me with rasanjaadam or thachimammu (literally spoon by spoon) and then my second course of medicines
- The comfort and luxury of paati’s lap and mom gently pressing my tired legs
- The long afternoon nap till my dearest brother calls to find his didi's haal..
- The uncles & aunts’ visits in the evenings… just to assure that… We do care for you…
- Then the poor Project Manager’s deliberate call to find out if I was fine..(Obvious enough to find if I would check in the next day), but tragically I would request for an extension (another day’s pleasure.)
- Can I miss the late evening chats with fellow colleagues?…(of course I need to be aware of what’s happening at work too …)
- That long awaited high fever which would draw everyone’s attention to me.
- The thermometer and the piece of white cloth dipped in ice…
- The lukewarm milk with a tinge of turmeric, pepper and sugar before the last course of medicines.
- Mom’s prayers(with that lil tear hiding beneath her eyelids)…to give her all my pains (moms are really amazing aren’t they?)
- Seeing tired mom and dad wide awake till I fall asleep late in the nite
- Finally, my good night kiss...!!!
But sadly even a small cold, when I am away from home seems to be really killing…How I wish I were at home now!!!...
Monday, October 25, 2004
Madras - Marina Memoirs
Madras and Marina …these two words have always been fascinating through out my life… mebbe it’s just because one’s hometown is always special or simply because and they have never lost their charm…Every time, I get back home… I make it a point to go the Marina…(it really feels proud to say it’s the second longest beach in the world) …And as ever… this time was yet another memorable evening at the Marina…
Just the four of us, mom, dad, me and my lil brother...set off in our car… My brother’s long time dream to drive the car finally came true…. It was a fantastic drive, with HH and LL’s (the colonial cousins) Melodious score in the background and our sweet little nothing chitchats on the foreground…
Yipppie…we reached Marina…I really thanked the rain God, for having mercy on us… It had rained that afternoon, leaving the evening to be really pleasant and cool. Just setting my foot on the sand made me feel so refreshing…and we set off towards the water…watching those kites, those shooting the balloons, frisbies flying here and there…breathing fresh air, enjoying the chilly breeze…
I bet… we can never get this kind of a pleasure at the pubs or shopping malls or theatres or recreation clubs or even the so called amusement parks…
We then sat down and our chats continued in the sands of marina… with me relishing the one and only pattani sundal with a generous spread of maangai topping… By the time I finished this, there came our man with the pink color panju mittai (cotton candy)… how could I miss that??
Eh…what’s the fun, if you don’t get yourself and your clothes wet in those salty waters… That’s any kid’s favorite…so is mine… holding on to dad’s caring hands (just incase u slip…dad’s there to pull you back) and watching those waves … merely closing your eyes and hearing them come closer…Somehow… it makes one forget all the worries…and its truly truly truly entrancing…
As it started growing darker, dad had to set his timer on… to get back to the sand… And I kept on saying… only till thaaaaaat wave came down… thaaaats the laaaaaast wave… last 2 minutes… just last two minutes, for nearly 15 minutes… but only till I saw the sonpapdi man coming near mom…(another type of white cotton candy)… Then I had to rush, else I would have missed on my favorite...
Then we walked back to the car park… but how could one miss the pineapple and maangai pieces, with that lil sprinkle of salt and pepper… and of course the Bhel poori and Paani poori… those poor vendors also have to be benefited!!… Atlast... even the meal I skipped to enjoy these little wonders... dint matter :-)
Finally as I bid my adieu to the Marina… dad got me the best ice-cream….the grape kuchi ice …and then I got back to the car licking my kuchi ice and was really happy that the color had stayed on my tongue for sometime... And off we set …for our drive back home…
It was a totally relaxing and refreshing evening…cherishing moments on our way back.... now the background score was by ARR (Thendrale, Thendrale mella nee veesu )… this was not all…the best part was….I was lying on mom’s shoulders and was just tossing off… when I heard mom say…. "Idhukku kalyaana vayasu aayiduthu, innum ippdi china kozhandaiya irukku…” and I sprang up to say… “Mom, I am still a kid”… and that left all of us with a smile on our faces…
Miss you Marina…!!!
Monday, October 11, 2004
Exam fever
Exams are still a nightmare… No more writing pads with my “Pillaiyaar Swami padam “ on the rear side, no more magnetic pencil boxes, no more Omega geometry boxes, no more jhanjhats about the filling Bril ink in my fountain pens… no more hunting for Luxor sketch pens to highlight my answers…. But then… my Natraj HB pencil still has to be sharpened and my Faber Castel Eraser still needs to be fresh out of the seal...
Exams seem to be a lot easier these days… I don’t have to derive any equations, certainly no more theorems to be proved….don’t have to draw any more graphs… don’t have to remember the parts of the animal and plant cell for my Biology papers… don’t have to write pages and pages of history on my Geography paper…don’t even have to remember Shakespeare’s quotes for my English papers… But then I really found them much more interesting…. and it was definitely more fun, when my class teacher gave back the papers… to let me count my marks…. A 93 and a half would simply be 94/100 …. For sure my teachers would always… miss off a few half marks here and there… so an 89 would easily run into a 93 or 94 …. And that would easily push me into the top 5 rankers in the class…
These are the days of the OMR sheets… I just have to sit and shade those 80 odd circles… and then these dark circles decide my bright future…. Isn’t that really funny… These objective questions always make me wonder… “Why is my life not laden with me so many crisp choices/options ….?” But then … I am happy… I don’t have to play “Inkey Pinkey Ponkey, father had a donkey, donkey died, father cried, Inkey Pinkey Ponkey… Ponkey ” OR “In Pin safety Pin , In pin Out” (This is what I do at my exam hall these days) ….with my wonderful life…. These OMR answer sheets barely fetch me any marks….Of course they are just enough and somehow I am saved from that deadly demarcation (Pass/Fail)….
Sadly, I am now waiting to pen in pages and pages at the exam hall… to get back my 89s and 94s… It’s really long since I have seen these figures on my mark sheets…. But then…. Yippie… hope that’s not far away…. :-)
Just an after thought: - At times life seems to be a lot easier, sweeter and simpler, when we just have to choose amongst a few (two) options… Isn’t that really really really true… ???
Smiles…!!!
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Parama Vetti - Jobless
Seriously where are those client calls? How come there are no production abends? How come all the jobs are running fine? How come there is not a single change control request?? Worst of all why is the client not approving any work requests?? Is my client running out of new Business requirements?? Will there be no more conceptual designs and detailed designs?? What about the coding and component testings ??? Eh... then the Integration and System testing ??? The User Acceptance testing would be a big NO MORE...!!! .... Holy me... no more peer reviews and defect tracking...This also means... no more Time and Cost estimations....Gosh, not even a single team meeting !!!
This really makes me wonder... am I a software professional.... :((
Nyways....Am really thanking Google swamigal, yahoo-messenger maha periyava for adding more life these days... and a biggie biggie thanks to my eMBeeAy exams for really keeping me busy....
Ooops... I better pack up now..." kadamai, ennai azhaikkiradu.... makkal waiting on chat ....heee heee heee"
Monday, October 04, 2004
Clouds of gloom
Life at times, seems to move at a very slow pace … Oops… this reminds me of the theory of relative motion… I still remember, my physics teacher say, “Imagine you are sitting in a train that is stopped at a railway station, with another train facing the opposite direction on the track directly beside you. When the other train starts moving, you will taken by a surprise! And will feel your train has started moving, when it still had 10 minutes to move… Now after the train has passed from the front of your window… you will know you are still there at the station…”
Conversely, ever since I have noticed, I have always found that my train is always at a stop, while the other trains were always running ahead of me… I always used to compare the pace of my life with the people around me…
Life seems to be at a stop again… some of my team mates have gone onsite… some close pals have set their wings off and ventured into interesting fields… some have crossed oceans to fulfill their Master dreams… some of my friends are happily married ( haa haa… an oxymoron there)…. some of my juniors are already proud mothers… Their lives always seemed to be thrilling….
But here I am … still sitting and cursing life… for not being exciting … for not being challenging and I having to lead yet another boring routine… I was only empathizing… "Is this what I wanted in Life” … But eh hold on a second... who is responsible for all this???.... Why can’t I look at it with a positive mind…? Why can’t I make it sound more interesting…?
Somehow Life was always an accelerating treadmill where I had to run faster and faster just to stay in one place. I have had no time to appreciate the small miracles in life… and now this slow pace has made me feel the life around me…. At times I hear my conscience saying “Ye Meri Life hai, mujhe apne dang se jeene do" (This is my life and let me live it my way)
Now I have all the time with me…. to read my favorite book, to listen to my favorite song on the radio, to cook my own food and relish it, to day dream as long as I want to… to watch that little bird sing through my bedside window…. Eh I even have the time to workout at the gym, to get drenched in the rain… to watch the kids on the street play “Crocodile, crocodile, can we cross the golden river…” Mebbe will also find some time to join my driving classes, and the long awaited western violin classes… And the most of all… I have started spending more time with myself… I have started doing those little interesting things…
Guess I have started living my life…. “Now I feel…. Mebbe This is what I wanted”… I would never want to compare my pace of life with my neighbors… Bcos now I know… they are missing all these small wonders… :-)
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom.
But these are transient all;
If shower will make the roses bloom,
Oh why lament its fall?
Rapidly, merrily … Life’s funny hours flit by
Gratefully, cheerily…enjoy them as they fly.
--Thanks to those verses of Charlotte Bronte
Friday, October 01, 2004
Lines I really liked…
The courage to, Change what I can, and
The wisdom to, Know the difference.”
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light ,
But by making the darkness conscious”
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
“ Nothing is all wrong.
Even a clock
That has stopped running…
Is right twice a day.”
“Don’t be afraid of pressure.
Remember that Pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond”
“I can’t do it” , never accomplished anything,
“I will try”, has worked wonders.
"Difficulties Mastered Are Opportunities Won"
~Winston Churchill
“Don't CRY because it's over; Smile because it happened.”
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
JANYA – A Life (Concluded…..)
Those were the days, when Chhaaya had just settled on her new job as the Programmer Analyst in a renowned Software company. Life was only about deadlines, deliverables, codes, bugs, testing, team meetings, production fixes and escalations.
The hep-hop life in Bangalore did not interest this village bred girl…. Friday nite parties, pubs, rock-n-roll… sounded really funny to her….She felt her time was better utilized, if she spent it on something worthwhile… at a library or in learning a foreign language or her new project management course… But then all this dint add any life… Being away from her parents… she definitely felt the need for a human touch….
It was then; she started visiting the HIV Rehabilitation wing of “Maitri”, a charity organization… just to distribute the clothes and medicines and spend some time with the kids there…Chhaaya met a two year old kid there…. She was somehow got attracted to this little girl…. Chhaaya started visiting more frequently and always took some gifts with her….The kid was all thrilled and all happy; to get her candies and drawing notebooks and a pack of color crayons… both made friends instantly even though they were strangers…
Why was god so merciless???!!! … This kid had lost her father already, and her mom was dying… Chhaaya cursed god, she was haunted by many questions ....
“Could I not do something for her??? Should I just wipe it out my memory saying she is just yet another victim??? Am I not responsible for my society??? Doesn’t this show, I am yet another selfish person…??? “
But then she dint want to coldly walk away….blaming her helplessness… So she went up to the child’s mother one day and asked “So what do you think is the fate of your child…after you are gone…?"....This brought the mother literally on tears…What could she say??… It was a blatant truth!!!.... Chhaaya, offered to adopt this little child… It was a big decision she made in life, she somehow felt…she found the answers… she wanted to stand by her convictions… After all
What is life with Full of CARE?
But we still don’t have the time to stand and STARE…
Janya was the one who taught Chhaaya that a simple SMILE can work wonders….She dint want another company…. She was proud to be a single mother….Her parents stood a big support to this decision of hers… Janya was now a part of Chhaaya’s life… rather her life itself….
JANYA – A Life
All things Bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful, the good god made them all…
It was a Friday evening; Chhaaya was waiting for Outlook to complete the spell check on her mail. She was sending the weekly status report to the clients from her laptop. At last the long awaited days were here… she could from work from home…Comfortably sitting on her cozy bean bag, with a mug of hot coffee, enjoying the chilly breeze from her 5th floor “Brigade Millennium” apartment’s balcony. She suddenly remembered that she had to check on Janya… so she peeped into the front yard to check on the lil kid.
Janya was jumping with joy… All her little friends gathered around her… and singing her praise… And there she was… holding on one hand “The All rounder cup” she won at her primary school today and hugging Toobie with the other. Mom had got her the favorite Toobie (white teddy bear) … which was almost half her size….
Janya was an adorable kid… the charm on her face… the spark in her eyes… those chubby cheeks… her glowing smile; even the dark tan on her skin was entrancing. Janya’s bubbly face always brought in more meaning to Chhaaya’s life…It made her completely oblivious of the status reports, client calls, Time & Cost estimations and the new project proposals…. Spending time with Janya completely relieved of all her pressures of the project “Avanaad” that she managed…
It had been proud moments for Chhaaya…as she witnessed her daughter receive the award at the Annual day functions at “Sishya Bala Bhavan”… She was filled with contentment…. She had finally found a meaning for her life…..
Friday, September 24, 2004
I've learned
This is also something I found really interesting.... How many of us....have a count of what we learnt everyday ??? I added just a few of mine...to someone's thought
Thursday, September 23, 2004
It does make me FEEL GOOD
Moments I spent with my brother
A hot shower.
Taking a long drive on an empty road, on a splashing rainy night.
Lying in bed listening my favorite song and reading a good book.
Chocolates & Icecreams.
A good conversation.
The waves at the beach.
Laughing at myself.
Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about me.
Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
Having someone play with my hair.
Sweet dreams.
Swinging on swings.
Falling out in crazy laughter
Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
Watching the expression on someone's face
Watching the sunrise.
Seeing smiles & SMILING
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
23rd November 1990 - Concluded
Raji Perima slowly tied a mask around his mouth and took him inside the room now… The kid already had a mental shock, any kid would to cry out loudly and scream, “Amma !!!”… But to everyone’s surprise, Jillu dint… He hesitated to take a step forward initially, but then went inside and sat beside his mom…. Mom had been injured badly, her right side was completely bandaged, even the palm and toe that showed were badly bruised…
He could now hear the doctor say something to appa… “ Sir, you have to be brave now… As you see, your wife is in a critical condition and we cannot assure you anything at this point. She might be paralyzed for the rest of the life or in the worst cases, she would not be able to survive the operation…. We are doing our best Sir.. ” … All this was because of an accident… a ruthless car driver had hit appa’s bike, trying to overtake them on the Adayar road that morning…. Amma had a serious skull injury and now she was fighting for life….
Jillu ran to his dad, and hugged him tightly… The father and son prayed to get out of this mental turmoil and Jillu wished amma a speedy recovery… Their fingers still crossed….
A year passed….It was his 10th Birthday today… he no longer pretended to sleep; there was no paal paayasam or aloo curry…. Things had changed… Jillu slowly went up to his mom & dad kissed them and whispered HAPPY BIRTHDAY….Now all the three of them shared their birthday, and mom was one year old…. Slowly recovering.... Her will power did help…She was getting back to track….
23rd November 1990 was a really SPECIAL DAY for all of them… since then Jillu saw his mom as his special child. Jillu then rushed to school kissing his mom again saying “kutty chellam... ennoda kozhanda da nee…aathula chamatha iru, appa school poittu odi vandudaren” (My dear daughter, be a good girl at home, your dad will go to school and get back early)….
Love you Amma!!!
23rd November 1990 - Part 2
Friday was a NO homework day, as there was always the weekend to complete it… and moreover it was Jillu’s day… so it was only games in the evening. He was even more thrilled as the Mohan anna and Ravi anna (older boys in the street) let him play cricket with them. It grew a little darker and they closed the match… Jillu’s team won that day…
Jillu got back home, had a quick wash and he was all set to give a big surprise to dad. He was watching his favorite show 'The Super Human Samurai' on TV and was all set waiting for the Rajdoot horn. His dad always used to honk when they entered the street and Jillu used to rush downstairs to receive his parents, who got back from work.
It was getting darker, but Jillu was still waiting to hear the horn… Finally the door bell rang. Jillu jumped to the door and opened it screaming “haiyyaa….appa…” But then his excitement subsided as he saw his mama (maternal uncle) at the door. “Vaango maama”, he greeted his uncle and led him inside… To his surprise, his uncle asked him to get one of his mom’s nighties and hurry up as they were to rush out somewhere. Jillu assumed his grandma must have been ill and so mama was rushing. Jillu was all disappointed; his surprise gift to dad was still lying there on the table, he hadn’t got his grand parents’ blessings still… (It was their routine to visit his grand parents to get their blessings on his bday)
Off they went on his uncle’s fiat car and it was a long drive. Jillu enjoyed his drive, peeping his head out of the window, delighted to see the busy roads of Chennai…he was all happy today and the drive added more excitement. Finally they reached “The Devaki Nursing Home”… Jillu suddenly got curious … “Maama, thaatha-paatikku odambu serillayaa ?? Amma inga vandrukkaala ?? “(Is granny or granpa ill?, Is mom here ?).. “Enna aachu maama, enga irukkom namma” (What happened, where are we now??)…. His uncle just patted him, but did not utter a word…
(To be concluded....)
23rd November 1990
Jillu was still closing his eyes tightly, pretending he was sleeping…he couldn’t resist the aroma from mom’s kitchen… Paal pradhaman, vengaaya arachi vitta sambar, thakkaali rasam and aloo fry... all were his favorites…. He wondered…"Is it a Sunday???" But then he remembered it was his favorite Bhagya Miss’ Maths period …that was the first class of every Friday in his 4th standard…
He could now hear amma wishing appa “happy b’day dear”… and now turning to him… she gently kissed her only darling son and wished “happy b’day kondae”. Yep.. Jillu and his dad shared their birthdays… that made this day a special day of every year… Jillu got another kiss from appa… and he hugged his dad and wished him back…
Amma gave him an oil bath and Jillu got ready to go to school… A proud little man in his new shirt and full pants… It was time for the yummy paal payasam… he started his breakfast with the sweet… and then gobbled the masaala dosai, with just 5 minutes left to catch the school bus. Mom had packed all his favorites for lunch and his school bag was all set. He grabbed his chocolate box and rushed out… wishing his dad again and blowing a kiss to mom…. Jillu was all excited… he could wear his B’day dress to school today and all the rest of his friends would be in their white n white half pants…
Birthdays are always a rejoicing day at school. "The Happy Birthday song”, chocolates, those little birthday cards and small gifts, all your friends would be hanging around you, even teachers wouldn’t scold you if you had not completed your homework, a total goody goody day. You would always wish to have a b’day everyday…It is always a special day….
(To be continued....)